THIS IS WHAT MATIU IDANG TAUGHT ME...

Sometimes, when I  close my eyes, I see you. I'm wary not to hold your image for too long for fear that you might actually show up in my bedroom. Even though you were my friend, I'm still terrified of ghosts. 

 I left a comment on your last Instagram post which was regarding the ongoing protests against police brutality, ENDSARS,  To be honest, I didn't read the caption. The image showed clenched fists and bullet holes, it was loud enough. 

There were other comments regarding your demise and I had to delete many of the things I wrote to ensure I  didn't come across as overzealous. After all, our friendship was electronic. 

I  said I was going to pay you a visit. I say this to a lot of other people too. My aunt thinks I'm keeping a grudge because I haven't visited her in almost two years despite the fact that her house is a 20-minute drive from my place. I swear I'm not a bad person, I just find it easier not to do much on weekends. 

I wonder who came up with the notion that graveyards are the wealthiest places in the world because they are filled with the dreams of the people there. People will always die with some of their dreams because no matter how much a person accomplishes, they will always have new dreams. So my point is that the analogy of graveyards and dreams diminishes the fact that those people may have accomplished a lot in their lifetime and could have accomplished more if they had the chance. 

When people die,  they leave many things behind. Jobs, family, money, assets. 

They also leave behind their work; the results of the dreams they pursued. 

For you, that work included a fashion brand for plus size men. 

I first came across your brand after seeing photos from a fashion show you had done. Right there and then, I knew that your work was important because it made me feel more at ease with myself as a fat person. It didn't do much for the insecurities that I had about my body but it mattered to me that someone thought it was a good idea to make clothes for big men. 

I know you would have accomplished more if you had more time. 

Whenever I think of you, I also think of Whitney. And Aaliyah and every other artist who left behind something meaningful.  I also think of Matthew Stepanek which many people reading this might have to google.

Your legacy is not always in the important work you do. Humanity's collective amnesia is truly astounding. No matter how good your body of work is, it will be forgotten; eventually. 

But Maya Angelou once said, "that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And that to me is what leaving a legacy is all about. So, I will always remember your fire emoji reactions to my Insta stories because I knew that it was you telling me I was lit!