BLOOM AND GROW

This story started the day I became body aware. I realized that my chest was no longer flat and I walked up to my dad to ask why I was growing fat around that area. He said it was nothing.  Well, that "nothing" ended up impacting the choices I made socially throughout my teen years and my young adult life. But this story is actually not about my lipomastia (man-boobs is the colloquial term) but about how we must take ownership and accountability for our bodies.  To me, taking ownership means:  1.  Having a realistic expectation of how much I can achieve in terms of weight loss and building muscle given the time and energy I am willing to put in. For anybody struggling to lose weight, you know it takes a considerable amount of effort and time. I have to face the reality that having six-pack abs is likely not going to be sustainable for me and that's OK.  2. Realizing that I don't have to worry so much about the way I look. People talk about loving yourself but I'll

I believe that these days, a lot more Nigerians are taking their lives, and unfortunately, this issue is not getting enough attention.  On one hand,  the idea of taking one's life seems like a convenient way to put an end to suffering. Furthermore,  it seems that vulnerable people are being triggered to kill themselves due to the popularity of suicide news these days. On the other hand, we are not giving it enough attention because we are all too busy dealing with the social and economic difficulties of living in Nigeria.  I think that for anybody going through some life difficulty or a mental health problem, suicide seems like a convenient way to end their suffering whatever that suffering is; economic hardship, marital problems, deep personal regrets, financial crises, loneliness, or even shame. For people dealing with depression, thoughts of suicide occur frequently. I also believe that the media coverage of suicide stories is contributing to the problem. I came across this idea

I've lived in Lagos most of my life but I'm not sure I would ever get used to the craziness of this city. Here's a note a few years old from my private journal:    If I am to offer some explanation for my mood, I would say today I had gone through all kinds of emotions and stress before eventually getting to work. And I am already scared of the traffic going home and it's not even noon. When did Lagos become this sort of crazy city? It has surely never been this tedious. "May Lagos be good to you" is a valid prayer. What's surprising these years later is that I still feel the same way about driving in Lagos. Obviously, the best tip for avoiding traffic is to stay at home. But that's not always practical for most of us who work outside the home.  So, besides setting off for work at the wee hours of the day (which I don't do because I like my sleep) and waiting out the traffic in the evenings, I have been able to reduce the time I spend in traffic by

"There is a way to be good again" is one of my favorite quotes to date and it's from the book The Kite Runner which I highly recommend that you read. The quote essentially means that we can always get back on track no matter how far we have gone off the tracks.  In the kite runner, Amir witnesses his housekeeper's son Hassan get raped over a kite. Soon, he starts to develop guilt for not intervening in the incident and resorts to framing Hassan's father for theft in order to get him fired from his job as their housekeeper- his plans work.  Soon after, Amir's family flees to the United States due to the Insurgency in their country. Many years later, he finds out that Hassan was actually his half brother! By this time, Hassan has been killed by the same boy (now a terrorist leader) who raped him as a child, and the same terrorist leader is now serially molesting Hassan's surviving heir.  As an act of redemption,  Amir decides to go back to Pakistan to rescue

I want to believe many of us have been here. You engage in some very questionable activity and you say to yourself, "I can't believe I just did that" and then you start to feel guilty because it goes against all of the things you believe in.   For example, you decide to be celibate till marriage but you end up sleeping with a guy or girl you just met. Or you find yourself bribing your way out of a situation when everyone knows you to be someone of integrity.  Well, rather than dwell in guilt, the first thing to do is to examine why you did what you did! Sometimes stressors in one area of our lives show up in other areas. Sometimes we do these things out of curiosity; it's us questioning the tribal and cultural beliefs we were raised with.   After you have figured out why you did it, you should examine why you are feeling guilty. Are you feeling guilty because you are struggling to understand why what you did was wrong? Or are you feeling guilty because you know it was

It is important to belong to a tribe. That is a group of people who have similar views on a subject and with whom you can have great conversations. As much as I believe in self-sufficiency and in developing one's individuality, I know that each one of us wants to feel like we are a part of some community.  And having this belief is important because life can be really challenging and somehow, knowing that there are other people on the same boat as you, can be a source of comfort.  We live in a society where people avoid sharing their feelings or problems because they are afraid their secrets or issues will be used against them. Despite this, we should still seek out safe spaces to share our issues with others. Even if we don't open up, I have learned that just being with people sharing experiences that you can relate with, can leave you feeling less isolated.   There's a lot I have to share about finding your tribe but the most important point is to find a group of people y